If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
