Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
