I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
