My liver just broke up with me...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
