porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize