I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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