i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
