oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
