Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
