You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
