butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
