so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
