I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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