Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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