Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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