Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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