well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
