It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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