Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
