My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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