i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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