I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
