On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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