i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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