Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
