I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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