Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
