This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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