i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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