I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
