Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
