I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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