i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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