Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
