Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
