Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
