I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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