after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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