also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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