I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
