So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
