The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
