he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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