Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
