Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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