I just cut my nipple shaving
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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