If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
