Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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