Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
