I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my shit smells like andre
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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