If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
