im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
