I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
