: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
