Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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