I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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