just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
