I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
