I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
