Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
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