Umm I'm too high to move.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
